music memories

I remember thinking "why is everyone dying?"

I was sitting at Ashleigh Cox's funeral, watching my friend bawl as he spoke into the microphone.

For me Ashleigh Cox was a voice in the other room; I was sitting at the piano bench, putting my heart and soul into my fingers and onto piano keys. They were my brother's friends, Jake and Josh and Ashleigh and others, who stopped by unexpectedly because they needed snow shoes. Group date. My mom told them some good places to snow shoe. Should I go say hi? I wondered. No. I chose to build the sound and feelings of Clair de Lune as much as I could, tried to give my brother's college friends a gift, something they could appreciate, something meaningful. They called to me as they walked out the door that it sounded beautiful, and I kept playing. 

Later: My brother gave us updates. Things felt frantic and I think my mom drove up the canyon. An avalanche, emergency life flight, Ashleigh. Her date (my friend) was a wreck when I saw him next. I couldn't imagine that -- it was only supposed to be a date, not a funeral. 

For me, Ashleigh Cox is still a voice in the other room, laughing with friends, I'm playing Debussy, playing my 15 yr-old heart out, trying for some reason to help them feel peace before they walk through our garage door. 

So many hard memories are connected to music. 

(I remember thinking "why is everyone dying?" at her funeral)

"Everyone" was 

my neighbor, father of 5(?) who had regularly recorded cd's of him singing and given them to our ward. Randy became our Christmas soundtrack even more after he passed away.

Johnny, who I was teaching piano and who could play the violin like a guitar and could play every instrument better than anyone. Since he passed on, "Hey Soul Sister" has always conjured up our Friday jam sessions and Johnny's smile and hands on a uke.

Hunter, a feather in his hair and thinking of him makes me think of his mom -- how I played for Hunter's mom after he died, played classical music and hymns and she cried through the classical music and was teary eyed but felt peace while I played hymns. And I hear Hunter's music, he's on his bike.

Class this Thursday gave me a lot of opportunity to remember to remember through music.

The thoughts I shared are sad and nostalgic ones; there are plenty of those, and I have just as many beautiful, happy, inspiring, peaceful, and other memories and experiences that are tightly tied up in songs. 

Music is a time machine

one of those things we can't touch or hold, but

like a storm, it's powerful

& builds and carries and changes us all the same.

Just some reflections -- thanks for reading!